I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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