Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
