2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
