someone get that fucking seahorse.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
