Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
