I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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