But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
