you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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