I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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