i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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