i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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