Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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