Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
