Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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