just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
