38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
