508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
