I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
