thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
