If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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