OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize