dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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