his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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