You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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