hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
