what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
