I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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