A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
