I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
