Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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