What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
