i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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