Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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