where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
her vagine was all disorganized.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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