don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
