I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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