Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
