My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
