Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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