Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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