I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
