You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
