I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
