fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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