Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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