I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
