why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
