so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
