Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
