I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
