I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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