to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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