You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
