I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Randomize
