her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
