He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
