he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
