I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
