hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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