I think my fart just growled at me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
