I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
