It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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