I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
