How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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