Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.