This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I want to fling myself into the sun