dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.