Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.