Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Four minutes until I can fart!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?