you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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