Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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