shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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